Martial arts shows you a box ... but it doesn't tell you how to get outside of the box!

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10

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21,22,23,24,25

26,27,28,29,30

31,32,33,34,35,36,37

38,39,40,41,42,43,44

45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52

53,54,55,56,57,58,59,60

61,62,63,64,65,66

67,68,69,70,71,72

73,74,75,76,77,78,79,80,81,82

83,84,85,86,87,88

A false note & total ignoring - 46

Anything new? Be honest.

affectation & torture - 26

Any one. Secret knowledge.

approval & disapproval - 48

Or whatever. A lot!

arrogance & patronization - 17

All right. Clean record.

aspersion & double-entendre - 33

And furthermore! Just vicious.

backhanded compliments - 62

Thank goodness! Different things.

back-seat driving & parroting - 13

Good advice. Not yet.

bad nicknames & trick questions - 03

All along. And everything!

baiting you, trying to get a rise - 18

It's maddening. Can't miss!

banter & blind-siding - 07

Small world. Could be.

bashing & false attribution - 05

Before what? Not quite.

bedeviling, the brush off - 29

Since when? A joke!

betrayals & noblesse oblige - 56

Plus luck! How embarassing.

blurting & self-loathing - 72

How exotic. That thick.

bogus birds of a feather - 76

Very awkward. Even now.

boorishness & "energy suck" - 84

Even you? THAT'S NOTHING!

bushwhacking & public humiliation - 02

No doubt. UNTO HIMSELF!

castration & annihilation - 14

Nothing much. The distance.

clash & dissonance - 41

You're kidding! It's mutual.

corrosiveness & tension - 24

Nothing yet. Really scary!

counterfeit psychoanalysis - 66

Holy Cow! Think so?

deconstruction & distraction - 80

Nothing special. Very unique.

demotion to office boy or girl - 47

No sweat. Brain waves!

discipline ... or hustle - 69

You're safe. BACK OFF!

disdain & fabrication - 77

Oh, really? It's terrible.

disruption & feigned innocence - 32

Not alone. All around.

expectations & banalities - 63

What else? Just some.

faint praise & encroachment - 60

Yeah, sure. God knows!

fast & loose logic - 64

Probably – Something. Oh, yeah!

glib posturing & heartbreak - 11

Hiding out. Totally unhelpful.

greed & assassination - 23

Crazy, huh? EVERY TIME!

hijacking, swindling & childnapping - 27

Midnight Special. Not recently.

hindrance & vindictiveness - 21

Someone must. Very mysterious.

hip edgy talk & presumption - 52

It's ridiculous. I'm easy.

hot-button issues & sore subjects - 54

How's that? Great investment.

hyperbole, exaggeration - 53

Wild, huh? Must you?

hypnotism & context switching - 61

Hey! OUCH. Unbelievable, huh?

impertinence & sly condemnation - 86

That's all? So? ... So?

impulsiveness, hit and run - 68

A joke! Cheap thrills.

incessant follow-ups, heaping it on - 15

Real trouble. Sight unseen.

infantilism & passive aggression - 36

Among others. They're separate.

insinuation & hipsterism - 25

Pretty intense. That's excessive.

intimidation, lying - 22

Who knows? Ever hopeful.

"intimidators," stabs in the dark - 78

It's magic! Nothing complicated.

invincible ignorance, bragging - 40

See that? Not bad.

jealousy & rejection - 06

Avoid entanglements. Someone else.

limits & boundaries - 35

Not today. Whatever helps.

litmus tests & vicious circles - 39

Great timing! No rush.

loaded for bear - 04

Very different. Totally destroyed.

lurking, stalking, bird-dogging - 75

Bad timing. Many things!

lying in waiting, bait & switch - 38

Very serious. It's overwhelming.

madness swimming in obscurity - 45

It's shocking. I hope.

make-believe, pretension - 85

Socially challenged. I'll bet.

marginalization & backbiting - 30

That simple. There's hope.

narcissism & posing - 74

Let go! Forget that!

narcissistic hostility & fantasy - 50

Anything missing? Total waste.

narcissistic setup questions - 73

Until recently. Maybe – Both!

negative anticipation & horseplay - 16

Or vice versa. Says who?

turning on you or lashing out - 37

Very nice. Something different.

obfuscation & stubborn meanness - 88

No trouble. Sounds serious!

phony jealousy & status - 28

Real old-fashioned. In case.

preaching & commandeering - 87

A wee bit. Everything's changing.

predatory omniscience - 09

Mostly that. Without stopping.

primrose path to quarreling - 01

Totally different. At best.

psychopathology of management - 42

Money laundering? Every penny.

pulling rank & usurpation - 12

It's insane. No need.

puncturing, convoluting - 55

That's all? And? Rats!

pushing your buttons - 51

Well, anyway. Or else!

rage & repulsion - 19

So WHAT? A natural.

regression & "neighborly" prying - 44

I'm sure. Vita umbrellis.

rhetorical spin & lampooning - 57

No shit! I'm waiting.

road rage, popping the cork - 67

NOTHING LESS! Who cares?

royal black waters - 59

To ensue. Way ahead.

rudeness & lack of respect - 71

Little challenges. Forget it!

sadism & white queens - 49

That soon? Suffer a lot.

sarcasm & insidious provocation - 81

All out. Wide open!

seizing power, or hijacking you - 58

Afraid not. Wicked, huh?

shadowing you & talking past you - 79

It's criminal. God forbid!

smoke and mirrors - 70

No telling. Not long.

superficiality, racism - 34

It's deeper. Smarten up!

3rd party interference - 10

Anything else? Never work!

things you can do nothing about - 31

Really tough. Suffer a lot!

throwaway phrases, small talk - 82

Nothing fancy. Don't freeze!

throwing you a curve - 08

That's life! Must be.

total world domination - 43

Very important. It's devastating.

twisting your arm - 65

What's next? Totally unexpected.

voodoo & the astral plane - 83

Heavy duty. I drifted.

weather & untamed spontaneity - 20

BELIEVE me. It's better.

|P|R|E|P|A|R|A|T|I|O|N|

IS

EVERYTHING

Certain hybrids, or combinations of responses, are extremely useful to know, or to think about, in advance.

NEIGHBORHOOD

—Wide open!
—Who knows?
—Probably.
—Well, okay!

81
22
64
52

When you walk into a bar, or into certain parts of town, you have to be prepared for intimidation or provocation.

DANGER

—No shit!
—Otherwise, fine.
—Forget it!
—Out here!

57
17
71
69

Certain words signal you're not a sissy or a wimp. Just get away from them. Let them discover their fate elsewhere.

ARGUMENT

—Don't tell!
—Big change!
—It's terrible.
—No need.

66
40
77
12

You say, "It's a full moon." They say, "It is not!" You can make the argument go away by saying, "—Big change!"

MICROCONTROL

—It's perfect.
—What's next?
—Sure, boss!
—BOW WOW.

26
28
04
74

To a seasoned professional, the other person's way is always the best way – unless they're going to rob you! So watch out!

LABELING

—Nothing special.
—Sure, Jack!
—As if.
—It's maddening.

80
27
03
18

Examples: "What's happening, bro'?" "What's up, babe?" "Let's go, asshole!" and "Get away! You bother me, kid."

TEAM PLAY

—Unbelievable, huh?
—Who doesn't?
—Great investment.
—Go slow!

61
30
54
36

At best: everyone does what they're good at, and leaves everyone else alone. At worst: interference and ignoring.

HIGH FLYING

—No telling.
—Harsh. Indeed.
—Not so!
—Until recently.

70
49
67
73

In good times, live as hard as you can, because they're always followed by lean times ... And save half your money!

SEDUCTION

—Go figure.
—You sure?
—Pretty wicked.
—Much better!

87
75
56
59

When you fall in love, and your love is racing by onto the other person, apply some of that love to yourself.

ABRUPT RUDENESS

—Can't imagine.
—At least.
—And you?
—How discouraging.

55
79
43
84

Insults from out of the blue, when you least expect them — Maybe the other person feels unloved and invisible.

HIJACKING

—Afraid not.
—I've heard.
—Heavy duty.
—Save money!

58
62
83
33

If you let them, other people can actually take you over. If you're not using yourself, someone or something else is.

GUILT TRIP

—I'll live.
—No wonder.
—Too soon.
—Never naïve.

48
45
19
44

Don't be hard on yourself. If you have doubts, you should read, "Self-Reliance" by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

VACATION

—Totally unspoiled.
—Without stopping.
—Really scary!
—Way back!

82
65
24
86

You can realize things you never understood as a kid. For instance, I play with (I mean, wash) the dishes.

HOMECOMING

—Saved again!
—Wild, huh?
—Small world.
—I'll bet.

38
53
07
85

They attack you the moment you walk in the door! That's life! That's their minds! They can't wait!

PARENTS

—Just so!
—No rush.
—It's impossible.
—Going up!

29
63
31
76

If your parents wanted you to be a success, you'd be a success. Learn how to be your own mother and father.

KIDS

—Very mysterious.
—Sounds serious!
—War souvenirs.
—That's it.

21
88
42
39

Try to set rules for kids so they'll feel secure, and don't expect them to follow the rules, because they're just kids!

BUSINESS TRIP

—Nothing complicated.
—Very clever.
—Totally different.
—Someone must.

78
13
01
51

Motivated by money, many people bypass their own life. They don't see each moment as a pearl of experience.

SPOTLIGHT

—It's mutual.
—We'll wait.
—Too early!
—Someone else.

41
47
16
06

To punish you for success, people give you backhanded compliments. You don't have to atone for anything!

YOUR PARTNER

—Don't worry.
—Unheard of.
—So foolish.
—Control yourself!

10
05
11
68

What better way to attack an adult than through an attack on their partner or their children? It's a little sleazy, isn't it?

CLOSING

—Out working!
—Doesn't hurt.
—No doubt.
—How exotic.

60
23
02
72

A little false camaraderie, a little slap on the back. See you on the golf course, right? Just no business before the 7th hole!

PARTING SHOTS

—Sight unseen.
—Not entirely.
—That's excessive.
—Beyond that.

15
37
25
20

When all is said and done, and hopefully that's very little, they can still subject you to a pithy "word of advice."

STREET PEOPLE

—Big family!
—Many more!
—Just about.
—Very helpful.

35
50
14
09

From "Street Smarts," above: (1.) limits, (2.) hostility, (3.) sneers and jeers, and (4.) patronizing.

TRUE LOVE

—Never stop.
—It's deeper.
—More so!
—I'm retired!

08
34
46
32

Love is what you do — not what you think, feel, or believe. Learn to express truth through actions — not words.

(1.) here you can find abundant resources for selecting an appropriate response to bullying — without thinking or feeling — the philosophy being, if you don't "actively engage" with the attacker, they lose twice.

(2.) if the insult or verbal abuse is "common," see if it's in the list of insults, then click on a highlighted CodeWord. Remember that almost all insults have evolved into a form designed to bypass the intellect, that is, to "hit you" in the emotions. The attacker is getting something from that. Try to give up "working" for the attacker — consciously "raise the tension" in search of a certain capacity in yourself. See negative emotions in yourself as limitations. Don't explain; don't complain; don't analyze. Use words or ideas as "stargates" reaching out to your fingers and toes. Words express ideas, and ideas can change the world.

(3.) if the attack is fairly simple, and not listed in (2.), look at each word in turn as if that word is a "CodeWord"; for instance, in the attack, "You're worse than your brother," click on each of the words, "you're," "worse," "than," "your," and "brother" in the list of CodeWords until you find a set of two-word responses that make you feel better (because we're talking about emotions), or that you wished you had thought to say (because we're talking about reason), or that neutralize the attack (because we're talking about understanding).

(4.) if the attack is long and complex, look at the list of "Wings" until you find a set of two-word responses that "grab your attention," or that almost unnoticeably defuse the attack. Look for a kind of "calming resonance" in yourself, something that best matches the exact situation or the exact people who were present.

(5.) look for ideas from outside physical reality, or from the Imagination of Nature — not something from your own imagination. None of the responses on this web site are "made up"; almost all have been spoken by someone, then written down. For more of the "big picture," you can check out the introduction, the WineCellar secrets, the tutorial, the StreetSmarts, and the aim of this website.

(6.) this website examines a lot of different facets for understanding an attack, as if "the origin" of each and every one represents a gem. Look for a reflection of some view of the attack in either the circle at the top of this page (explained in the tutorial), or in the oval below the "pregnant stewardess in a doorway."

(7.) go through the doorway (click on it) and discover a world of art that is a reflection of everything on this page. The circles of words above and below the open door are unresolved aspects of the mind (globes, ornaments, or bubbles in a stream); the resolution is a force of Nature — simply a pregnant stewardess in a doorway: a "mom," with all of her simplicity, inner strength, and organic beauty. Try to realize from the center of your chest, "I, am alive!" Then look for something inside yourself like a subtle wise light.